Thank you so much for listening to my story and letting me share my story with you.
By ANONYMOUS SURVIVOR
“My Life Matters So I Spoke Up.”
Although it is difficult to share my story, I will.
I am very blessed to be a survivor of domestic violence.
I put my now ex-husband out of the home permanently on May 18th, 2012. The divorce was final July 16th, 2013. We were married on July 2nd, 1993.
To give you descriptions of the abuse keep in mind it was physical, mental, verbal, and sexual.
Let’s start off with the physical. I did not know for a long time that my ex-husband had a substance abuse problem (drugs). I am very naive when it comes to substance abuse problems since I have never used drugs. I would often wake up in the middle of sleep because I was being beaten with his fists. We slept in a queen size bed and if I crossed the middle of the bed with a body part I was beaten. The last time he hit me there was a mark of a fist print in my abdomen area. I guess I should have seen signs when we were dating of his rage. I actually had a remote control from a TV busted over my head at his parent’s home. In addition, I was choked many times until I would almost pass out and had finger prints around my throat.
My ex-husband had a hard time keeping a job because of many reasons two of them being anger management and the drug problem. The reason I found out about the drug problem was he was working for my cousin who owns an Electric Company. My cousin, who he was working for at the time, decided to run random drug test and my ex-husband did not pass the drug test. I was humiliated because he was working for my cousin/family. My ex-husband first told me that my cousin had laid him off, second excuse was the Dr. had mixed up the drug test, third excuse was contact smoke, and then he finally admitted to smoking one “joint”.
I was working twelve-hour days trying to keep bills paid and begged my cousin to let him stay on with the company. My cousin told me if I would get him cleaned up he would let him come back and this took over three months.
Emotional and Verbal: I was always told I was worthless and stupid. I was not allowed to have a driver’s license, have my ears pierced, carry a pocketbook/ purse, have my own clothes. I did put my foot down and obtain my driver’s license in September 2011. As he would tell you today ” It was the beginning of the end when I got my driver’s license”.
He always insisted on having the nicer clothes example: Land’s End, ll bean. If he outgrew them I would make the remark “let’s donate them to goodwill, etc.” he would then say no they are too nice and you are going to wear them.
I used to write a lot of snail mail to family members and friends. My ex-husband would make the remark” I don’t know why you waste the time or waste their time because nobody cares what you have to say”. I started believing this and stopped writing.
Ms. Shirley my counselor at FLVF explained this to me. He was afraid they would catch on to what was happening to me. I think one thing that made him angry was I decided to go back to school in January of 2012 and become a CNA 1 and medication technician. Despite of what was happening then and it was theworse of the abuse I graduated salutatorian of my CNA class. So, I guess I wasn’t as stupid as he thought. Unfortunately, injuries from falling on the ice (parking lot that had not been cleaned) at a local Developmental Center brought my career to an end with inoperable back damage February 2015.
Sexual: I cannot tell you how many times I was raped and often would wake up to him sexually assaulting me (anal rape). I found after we separated that he had an addiction to porn. When I had the PC cleaned up. I know of at least two occasions that two different women left sexually explicit messages for him on our home phone answering machine.
I called the Sheriff’s Department the first time earlier in 2012 and requested he be removed from the property and they escorted him away. At the time, we were attending church. My ex-husband was good friends with the Pastor at that time. The Pastor of our church contacted me and said, “I was not showing Christ like behavior by not allowing my ex-husband to return to the home”. So, I let him return on the Pastor’s request and the last time was May 18th, 2012.
To update you to where I am today. I have my ears pierced, carry a pocket book/ purse. However, I still have a very hard time not feeling guilty about buying my own clothes. I will burst into tears and return to my car. Just don’t feel comfortable with it. I still sleep on the edge of the bed and sleep with my arms crossed over to ward off any physical punches and blows. I still write people but it took a long time for me to start again. I have been in a relationship for 3 years December 20th, 2017. We went to school together. His family fully accepts me and is very protective over me. My ex-husband has attempted to run me off the road twice, once in the fall of 2012 and once in the spring of 2016. I also found cocaine under the master bathroom sink and disposed of it, also found paperwork that he was writing my last will and testament leaving him everything.
I have spoken at one domestic violence workshop. Again, I am so grateful for my counselor Shirley Davis. I love her so much and may she rest in Heaven with the Angels. God Bless You All.
Flag Day, is a day for all Americans to celebrate and show respect for our flag, its designers and makers. Our flag is representative of our independence and our unity as a nation…..one nation, under God, indivisible. Our flag has a proud and glorious history. It was at the lead of every battle fought by Americans. Many people have died protecting it. It even stands proudly on the surface of the moon.
As Americans, we have every right to be proud of our culture, our nation, and our flag. So raise the flag today and every day with pride!
Properly Display Our Flag
Care and handling of the American flag is steeped in tradition and respect. There is a right way and a wrong way to display the flag. This is calledFlag Etiquette. The American flag should be held in the highest of regards. It represents our nation and the many people who gave their lives for our country and our flag. Here are the basics on displaying the American flag:
The flag is normally flown from sunrise to sunset.
In the morning, raise the flag briskly. At sunset, lower it slowly. Always, raise and lower it ceremoniously.
The flag should not be flown at night without a light on it.
The flag should not be flown in the rain or inclement weather.
After a tragedy or death, the flag is flown at half staff for 30 days. It’s called “half staff” on land ,and “half mast” on a ship.
When flown vertically on a pole, the stars and blue field , or “union”, is at the top and at the end of the pole (away from your house).
The American flag is always flown at the top of the pole. Your state flag and other flags fly below it.
The union is always on top. When displayed in print, the stars and blue field are always on the left.
Never let your flag touch the ground, never…period.
Fold your flag when storing. Don’t just stuff it in a drawer or box.
When your flag is old and has seen better days, it is time to retire it. Old flags should be burned or buried. Please do not throw it in the trash.
Did you Know? There is a very special ceremony for retiring the flag by burning it. It is a ceremony everyone should see.Your local Boy Scout group knows the proper ceremony and performs it on a regular basis. If you have an old flag, give it to them. And, attend the ceremony.
A day to honor Dad. NO. Rather, it is a day to enjoy time with Dad and appreciate all he does for you. What Dad really wants is healthy, happy and successful kids. And, he wants you to spend a few moments with him on Father’s Day. Today’s life style is busy for both dads and kids. So, a little time with dad on Father’s DAy is just what he wants.
A Father is more than the biological paternal source of our being. It is the person who cares and provides for us. It is the man who helps to set the standards, the family values and the example. So, add to this group, step fathers and other men who willingly and eagerly accept and cherish the role. Whether biological, adopted or informally, if they are the father figure to you, give him some recognition today and don’t hesitate to call him “Dad”.
Did you know? The first Father’s Day celebration was in Spokane, Wa. on May 18, 1910.
Remember all those famous quotes and sayings dad had when you were growing up?