Thank you so much for listening to my story and letting me share my story with you.
By ANONYMOUS SURVIVOR
“My Life Matters So I Spoke Up.”
Although it is difficult to share my story, I will.
I am very blessed to be a survivor of domestic violence.
I put my now ex-husband out of the home permanently on May 18th, 2012. The divorce was final July 16th, 2013. We were married on July 2nd, 1993.
To give you descriptions of the abuse keep in mind it was physical, mental, verbal, and sexual.
Let’s start off with the physical. I did not know for a long time that my ex-husband had a substance abuse problem (drugs). I am very naive when it comes to substance abuse problems since I have never used drugs. I would often wake up in the middle of sleep because I was being beaten with his fists. We slept in a queen size bed and if I crossed the middle of the bed with a body part I was beaten. The last time he hit me there was a mark of a fist print in my abdomen area. I guess I should have seen signs when we were dating of his rage. I actually had a remote control from a TV busted over my head at his parent’s home. In addition, I was choked many times until I would almost pass out and had finger prints around my throat.
My ex-husband had a hard time keeping a job because of many reasons two of them being anger management and the drug problem. The reason I found out about the drug problem was he was working for my cousin who owns an Electric Company. My cousin, who he was working for at the time, decided to run random drug test and my ex-husband did not pass the drug test. I was humiliated because he was working for my cousin/family. My ex-husband first told me that my cousin had laid him off, second excuse was the Dr. had mixed up the drug test, third excuse was contact smoke, and then he finally admitted to smoking one “joint”.
I was working twelve-hour days trying to keep bills paid and begged my cousin to let him stay on with the company. My cousin told me if I would get him cleaned up he would let him come back and this took over three months.
Emotional and Verbal: I was always told I was worthless and stupid. I was not allowed to have a driver’s license, have my ears pierced, carry a pocketbook/ purse, have my own clothes. I did put my foot down and obtain my driver’s license in September 2011. As he would tell you today ” It was the beginning of the end when I got my driver’s license”.
He always insisted on having the nicer clothes example: Land’s End, ll bean. If he outgrew them I would make the remark “let’s donate them to goodwill, etc.” he would then say no they are too nice and you are going to wear them.
I used to write a lot of snail mail to family members and friends. My ex-husband would make the remark” I don’t know why you waste the time or waste their time because nobody cares what you have to say”. I started believing this and stopped writing.
Ms. Shirley my counselor at FLVF explained this to me. He was afraid they would catch on to what was happening to me. I think one thing that made him angry was I decided to go back to school in January of 2012 and become a CNA 1 and medication technician. Despite of what was happening then and it was theworse of the abuse I graduated salutatorian of my CNA class. So, I guess I wasn’t as stupid as he thought. Unfortunately, injuries from falling on the ice (parking lot that had not been cleaned) at a local Developmental Center brought my career to an end with inoperable back damage February 2015.
Sexual: I cannot tell you how many times I was raped and often would wake up to him sexually assaulting me (anal rape). I found after we separated that he had an addiction to porn. When I had the PC cleaned up. I know of at least two occasions that two different women left sexually explicit messages for him on our home phone answering machine.
I called the Sheriff’s Department the first time earlier in 2012 and requested he be removed from the property and they escorted him away. At the time, we were attending church. My ex-husband was good friends with the Pastor at that time. The Pastor of our church contacted me and said, “I was not showing Christ like behavior by not allowing my ex-husband to return to the home”. So, I let him return on the Pastor’s request and the last time was May 18th, 2012.
To update you to where I am today. I have my ears pierced, carry a pocket book/ purse. However, I still have a very hard time not feeling guilty about buying my own clothes. I will burst into tears and return to my car. Just don’t feel comfortable with it. I still sleep on the edge of the bed and sleep with my arms crossed over to ward off any physical punches and blows. I still write people but it took a long time for me to start again. I have been in a relationship for 3 years December 20th, 2017. We went to school together. His family fully accepts me and is very protective over me. My ex-husband has attempted to run me off the road twice, once in the fall of 2012 and once in the spring of 2016. I also found cocaine under the master bathroom sink and disposed of it, also found paperwork that he was writing my last will and testament leaving him everything.
I have spoken at one domestic violence workshop. Again, I am so grateful for my counselor Shirley Davis. I love her so much and may she rest in Heaven with the Angels. God Bless You All.
On May 5, 1862, the Mexican army defeated the French army at the Battle of Puebla. This single military battle signified defeat of a European colonial power, and a victory for the Mexican people. This single battle was the roots of Cinco de Mayo.
Note: Cinco de Mayo is not the celebration of Mexican Independence which is celebrated on September 16th.
What Cinco de Mayo has come to be, is much more than one battle in the colonial history of Mexico. Rather, it has come to signify Hispanic and Mexican pride and a time to celebrate the rich culture.
Today, this holiday is celebrated by Mexicans, and especially the Hispanic community in the U.S. It is a time of song, dance, partying, and in general a time to be proud to be of Hispanic descent.
Everybody has a mother and absolutely no one is more special than mom. Sure, dad is really important. And, grandparent’s too. But moms, well they are just the greatest. Often taken for granted, they are always our strongest supporter. You can’t do wrong in Mom’s eyes. When you are hurt, or not feeling well….there is no one else that can help you more than Mom. I saw this clearly recently as our son was in the emergency room. Sure, dad was an important presence. But, the look in my son’s eyes with his mom by his side was certain affirmation of mom’s comforting ways, and importance.
So go out and celebrate Mother’s Day. First and foremost, spend time with her. If you absolutely can not be there, take time for a long phone call. Flowers, cards, candy and gifts are all part of the day. But, mom wants some time with you far more than anything else.
Did you know? The first Mother’s Day was May 10, 1908 in Philadelphia
Memorial Day is officially celebrated on the last Monday during the month of May. Memorial Day is dedicated to service men and women who gave their lives for freedom and country. It is also a time to remember loved ones who have passed away. The roots of Memorial Day observance, goes back to 1865 and the end of the Civil War.
Memorial Day was traditionally held on the 30th of May. In 1971, Congress changed it to the last Monday, in order to afford a three day holiday weekend. Regardless of the date, we encourage you follow Memorial Day tradition: attend a parade, and visit a cemetery to honor and remember our serviceman. Take time to remember lost loved ones in whatever way you feel appropriate.
Did you Know? Memorial Day was first called Decoration Day. It was changed to Memorial Day in 1882.
Memorial Day also marks the beginning of the gardening and summer seasons, even though summer will not occur until a few weeks later. This day usually includes the first family picnic of the year.