Thank you so much for listening to my story and letting me share my story with you.
By ANONYMOUS SURVIVOR
"My Life Matters So I Spoke Up."
Although it is difficult to share my story, I will.
I am very blessed to be a survivor of domestic violence.
I put my now ex-husband out of the home permanently on May 18th, 2012. The divorce was final July 16th, 2013. We were married on July 2nd, 1993.
To give you descriptions of the abuse keep in mind it was physical, mental, verbal, and sexual.
Let's start off with the physical. I did not know for a long time that my ex-husband had a substance abuse problem (drugs). I am very naive when it comes to substance abuse problems since I have never used drugs. I would often wake up in the middle of sleep because I was being beaten with his fists. We slept in a queen size bed and if I crossed the middle of the bed with a body part I was beaten. The last time he hit me there was a mark of a fist print in my abdomen area. I guess I should have seen signs when we were dating of his rage. I actually had a remote control from a TV busted over my head at his parent's home. In addition, I was choked many times until I would almost pass out and had finger prints around my throat.
My ex-husband had a hard time keeping a job because of many reasons two of them being anger management and the drug problem. The reason I found out about the drug problem was he was working for my cousin who owns an Electric Company. My cousin, who he was working for at the time, decided to run random drug test and my ex-husband did not pass the drug test. I was humiliated because he was working for my cousin/family. My ex-husband first told me that my cousin had laid him off, second excuse was the Dr. had mixed up the drug test, third excuse was contact smoke, and then he finally admitted to smoking one "joint".
I was working twelve-hour days trying to keep bills paid and begged my cousin to let him stay on with the company. My cousin told me if I would get him cleaned up he would let him come back and this took over three months.
Emotional and Verbal: I was always told I was worthless and stupid. I was not allowed to have a driver's license, have my ears pierced, carry a pocketbook/ purse, have my own clothes. I did put my foot down and obtain my driver's license in September 2011. As he would tell you today " It was the beginning of the end when I got my driver's license".
He always insisted on having the nicer clothes example: Land’s End, ll bean. If he outgrew them I would make the remark "let's donate them to goodwill, etc." he would then say no they are too nice and you are going to wear them.
I used to write a lot of snail mail to family members and friends. My ex-husband would make the remark" I don't know why you waste the time or waste their time because nobody cares what you have to say". I started believing this and stopped writing.
Ms. Shirley my counselor at FLVF explained this to me. He was afraid they would catch on to what was happening to me. I think one thing that made him angry was I decided to go back to school in January of 2012 and become a CNA 1 and medication technician. Despite of what was happening then and it was theworse of the abuse I graduated salutatorian of my CNA class. So, I guess I wasn't as stupid as he thought. Unfortunately, injuries from falling on the ice (parking lot that had not been cleaned) at a local Developmental Center brought my career to an end with inoperable back damage February 2015.
Sexual: I cannot tell you how many times I was raped and often would wake up to him sexually assaulting me (anal rape). I found after we separated that he had an addiction to porn. When I had the PC cleaned up. I know of at least two occasions that two different women left sexually explicit messages for him on our home phone answering machine.
I called the Sheriff’s Department the first time earlier in 2012 and requested he be removed from the property and they escorted him away. At the time, we were attending church. My ex-husband was good friends with the Pastor at that time. The Pastor of our church contacted me and said, "I was not showing Christ like behavior by not allowing my ex-husband to return to the home". So, I let him return on the Pastor’s request and the last time was May 18th, 2012.
To update you to where I am today. I have my ears pierced, carry a pocket book/ purse. However, I still have a very hard time not feeling guilty about buying my own clothes. I will burst into tears and return to my car. Just don't feel comfortable with it. I still sleep on the edge of the bed and sleep with my arms crossed over to ward off any physical punches and blows. I still write people but it took a long time for me to start again. I have been in a relationship for 3 years December 20th, 2017. We went to school together. His family fully accepts me and is very protective over me. My ex-husband has attempted to run me off the road twice, once in the fall of 2012 and once in the spring of 2016. I also found cocaine under the master bathroom sink and disposed of it, also found paperwork that he was writing my last will and testament leaving him everything.
I have spoken at one domestic violence workshop. Again, I am so grateful for my counselor Shirley Davis. I love her so much and may she rest in Heaven with the Angels. God Bless You All.
If you move to escape abuse, you can join the Address Confidentiality Program and have your first-class mail sent to a substitute address chosen by the Attorney General’s office. We forward your mail to you and keep your new address secret.
You can also use the substitute address to register to vote, get a driver license, or sign up for utilities like water and electricity.
October 28, 2107 8:30 AM – 12:00 PM Cornerstone Christian Community 3237 Knotts Grove Road Oxford, NC 27565
An annual workshop for clergy, church leaders and the faith-based community. The presenter’s material is based upon Scripture, North Carolina laws related to domestic violence and the book, Abigail’s Veil (available on Amazon.com). The workshop includes live testimonials of victims, survivors and family members of domestic violence victims. The cost is free but participants are ask to donate personal hygiene products at the door. All donations will be distributed to local domestic violence advocacy agencies.
Judge Carolyn J. Thompson, Abigail’s Veil Ministry Founder
Organizer of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE TRAINING FOR THE FAITH-BASED COMMUNITY District Court Judge Carolyn J. Thompson is an ordained minister and author of Abigail’s Veil: A Domestic Violence Handbook for Clergy and Church Leaders. Serving as a family law attorney for over 10 years before becoming a judge, she encountered countless cases of victims who endured violence because of religious stigma, church shame and misinformed pastoral guidance. The workshop encourages an open discussion and problem-solving atmosphere among those wanting faith-based solutions to domestic violence.
We honor families as the life of our community – where dreams are born, children are nurtured and adults find purpose. Because many members of our community who are victims of domestic violence and sexual assault are denied these rights to quality of life and to basic human dignity, Families Living Violence Free is dedicated to empowering Granville County families to live safe, non-violent lives.